Another moody rant thing but i feel like people can relate
I recently had remember times in my life that I didn't want to think about. Things that I've done and said not just in real life but on the internet. I dont like thinking about the past. I dont like feeling depressed and its hard to just "not give a fuck" when you felt so much judgment to you. It hurts and you doubt yourself even more. I've been bullied because i was fat, I've been judge because I write terribly, say weird things, and do certain things. I'm self conscious. I tend to be quiet because i over think of what I want to say so I don't make a fool of myself. I feel as if I regret everything I've ever done.
Meeting the people I have over the net is easier sometimes and I've gotten very close to people this way but i still am human, thus I can get angry and anger comes off if expressed through the net. When it happens the stuff I say it out of anger and can't be taken back. People remember it. I want to think before I act when i get mad. It doesn't help that I have a job at fast food and I hate it. This rant isn't really going anywhere. Something had happen and even though I was given forgiveness and I dont think I should have. As I honestly still feel the tension and the fact I can't be somewhere with out making someone uncomfortable makes me more insecure.
I don't know why I'm writing this but I suppose its just to reflect on myself. I dont think I'm worth it and the fact people still talk to me amazes me as I dont think myself as someone very special. I'm not intelligent. I dropped out of school and have a fast food position where people roll their eyes and give me disrespect regardless how hard I'm trying. Not really the crew members but of the customers and people I see. I'm a person like anyone. I like some things and I dont like other things. I'm oppressed because i dont want to make a fool of myself. I'm paranoid, self conscious, sensitive, and self doubt myself everyday.
I'm just a person. I dont want to feel the negative because I have people in my life that make me smile and make me feel wanted. Maybe I'm just stuck.
My nose is stuffy and people are getting me sick now so oh boy.
I'm going to so rest now and hope for a better day tomorrow.